When you are first noticing even small changes to normal daily activity, a cognitive decline, or beginning of mobility impairment it can be hard to accept for oneself and for those you love. At first, you may not think that it’s serious enough to worry about, but understand that this is a part of the process that all encounter. When you start to help make accommodation for a loved one you eventually will begin to realize that you need to have a conversation about finding the next step for yourself or your loved one.

There is no easy way to start this conversation, but it is important to get ahead of the dialogue and control the dialogue before it controls you! Often when people wait too long to make a plan and hold the conversations because of fear of loss of independence or ability to make decisions for oneself, they end up in a space where they did just that and the dialogue now controls them. Do not let that happen to you or to your loved ones. Instead, embrace the opportunity of next steps and see the joy in making the decisions yourself.

With the Next Step Family Advisory Team you have expertise and resources available to you. Over the years, the entire Next Step team has helped thousands of Families like yours take control of the dialogue and help find the best option across the Modern Aging care Continuum.

We recommend starting with a list of concerns and observations. Have you noticed that you or your loved one is having trouble with activities of daily living like getting dressed? Has your relative recently been in the hospital and sent home with extensive care instructions? Take thorough notes and consider talking with other family members to get their perspectives.

Oftentimes, the hardest part of the senior care transition conversation is simply starting it.  With each loved one there are individual ways to open the door to discussion, and the most productive ones share a few characteristics. Start with open-ended questions that encourage more than a yes-or-no answer and focus on your loved one. Make it about their needs, maintaining independence and personal comfort.

A few examples of conversation Kick Starts are:

• How are you feeling about living at home by yourself?
• What have your social activities been like as of late? Would it be nice to be closer to people with like interests?
• How have you been managing with your medications?  (Or any other aspect of their daily life & wellness that you are concerned about.)
• Do you have a plan or preference in communities or locations you would like to go to if you need it?
• Would things be less stressful if you didn’t have to worry about taking care of the household tasks/ Driving alone for errands/ If you knew someone was just a few steps away if you needed any help?

Rome was not built in a day, and this is a series of conversations at various timing depending on the situation, which will help you and your loved ones establish a comprehensive plan. Have a goal for the first conversation, and do not try to tackle everything at once, as it will be overwhelming to all involved and not deliver the expected result. Don’t feel like you need to rush the conversation, but don’t not start it either.

Often Families have waited too long and the time for conversations evaporates. Sometimes the decisions on next steps must be made quickly, and in these scenarios a qualified Family Advisory can really help to carry the burden of decisions and option across the finish line. In truth the sooner you can come to an understanding of you or your loved one’s needs, preferences, and desires, the easier it will be to make a plan that everyone can get on board with.

The art of listening to listen will be most helpful, as like you, your loved one is grappling with some deeply felt emotions. It’s important to hear out any frustrations, objections, and fears about this next step in living space and change. When we listen to listen, we are practicing hearing all sides of an individual’s fears and concerns verbally without need or seeking of space to interject opinion or resolutions. We instead hear the individual out entirely and make thoughtful and impactful discussion based on what we have just been told. Though the decision is ultimately your or your loved ones to make, it does not mean that you do not need to make it.

The fear of a loss of independence is frightening for all of us, but as we enter the 3rd act of our lives it can be compounded and overwhelming. Patient and calm conversations can make the greatest impact on supportive decision making to best identify next steps or at least next steps in the plan.

When change is needed to ensure safety and security often emotions are running on overdrive. When this is the case as we are human, it’s easy to lose patience. We are usually blind to our own situations so in this process it is not uncommon to see the clear benefits of deciding, but to your loved one this can feel like the ultimate loss of independence and the reaction if more of a fight or flight. During these time periods kindness, patience and more patience with your loved one will help you keep the temperature of the conversation cool and assist in coming to a mutual agreement. If you aren’t in a time-sensitive or unsafe situation start the conversations with the small details first before tackling larger discussions.

It’s important that your loved one is included in the process as well as any key decision makers. Working together with an Advisor who can help with scheduling tours and provide answers to questions along the way can support making the visits smoother and enjoyable for both you and your loved ones.  Seeing a community in person is paramount in making a decision that fits all your individual needs and likes, as it gives your loved one a chance to know whether they can see themselves living there. Often a loved one will have a misconception of what a Modern Aging location can be like as old institutional images may still be the most recent interaction your loved one has experienced. Your loved one may even begin to get excited about a positive change, especially when they can see themselves living in the location you viewed together.