How to Negotiate Downsizing with Your Spouse

Downsizing is a tough process to go through, even in the best of circumstances. And any resistance to it, especially coming from a spouse or partner, can make it even tougher!

Is your spouse feeling less than gung ho about the process? Here’s our best advice on how to negotiate downsizing with your spouse.

Everyone is different when it comes to dealing with and processing their stuff. You must respect each other’s process and give your spouse ample space to go through their things, their way. Some people have to touch every book, open the cover, thumb through the pages, and remember the story before they can let it go. Others can scan a bookcase in 5 seconds and say there is nothing there they want.

Many people hate to let go because they don’t want things going to waste or it has some special significance. Talk about these things together and look into all the wonderful alternatives that give your things a second life.

• Treasured collections can be gifted to a family member or museum.
• Tools and gardening equipment can go to a young family starting out in their first home or a local P-Patch community garden.
• Furniture, clothing and household items are needed everywhere and can be donated.

Knowing your things will go to help someone else helps take the sting out of letting them go.

Get concurrence on the space you are moving to. Talk about it, draw it out, and write it down. I can’t stress enough how important a space plan is, even if you just write a description of the home you’ll be moving into.

It can be as simple as this: “We’re moving from a 4 bedroom house with a garage and hobby room to most likely a 2 bedroom apartment with a carport. We won’t be doing any yard work and we’ll have to share the second bedroom for our hobbies and office.”

That certainly paints a picture of the space available, and with that reality in mind, the resistance of not wanting to let go of things starts to wane. A space plan brings reality to the frontline so that everyone can see what space will be available.

Reality can settle disputes or resistance fairly quickly. Negotiating what you will take is no longer necessary; now you can focus on selecting only the best and most cherished things to take with you to your new home. If necessary, bring in a professional downsizer to help things along. They’re neutral, objective and oftentimes the referee!

Remember to be kind. The downsizing process can be painfully tough for some. If you sense resistance, then its best to give yourselves plenty of time to get through things, communicate often and have a good understanding of what the end result will be.

Over to You

Have you experienced a big move with your spouse? How did you handle the downsizing process together? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below.